Life keeps changing

… but I’m still sad actually doing well now

I'll be honest with you, okay? It’s been a while since I’ve felt motivated to write. And it’s not because I’m lacking in creativity— at this moment in time, I feel as though I’m brimming with creative quests.

Rather, I think I’m just in a better headspace.

I find it much easier to write about things in a more subdued manner. Does that make sense?

Whether it be baring my personal life, memories or family issues, it’s easier for me to write about the bad than the good. It tells a better story, one that holds more interest and weight.

I’m not sure why my writing comes more naturally this way. I like to believe that in real life I’m much more optimistically wired. I love reading and hearing positive stories; success, love, you name it! But when it comes to developing those feelings in writing, my brain shuts off.

It’s like I tell myself, “No one’s gonna wanna read that crap!”

Why am I so harsh? You tell me.

So when it came time to write a blog post, I had brainstormed a couple topics. Some plots were negative turned positive, others neutral. But I couldn’t bring myself to write anything at all… so I didn’t.

I haven’t, all month, till now.

I came across a half finished blog post titled “Life keeps changing, but I’m still sad.”

I was reading through it and while yes, I wrote it and yes, I lived the story it told, I didn’t recognize the feeling my words were conveying. It took a moment of reflection to realize why: I’m no longer sad.

It’s crazy how a few months, a couple weeks even, can change your whole perception. My mood has shifted, along with my complete outlook of where I’m at in life.

I was telling myself many, many things, such as how lucky I am to be alive, to be healthy, to financially support myself, to have a strong support system. I did believe myself and all those things, but I wasn’t stable enough to digest them. Or be content.

These last few months have been as rough as they have been beautiful. My mindset switch definitely wasn’t something that happened over night— like duh, I’m just piecing together this puzzle TODAY!

I will never claim to be some mental health guru, because I’m merely just a 22 year old trying to survive everyday life. But I wanted to share this thought because I think it might resonant with others.

What I’ve learned in my limited time on this earth, and after analyzing my temperamental emotions, is that nothing is permanent.

There’s nothing permanent about this stage of my life, of yours, of anyone’s! It’s beautiful and natural, terrifying and forgiving.

In the same vein, humans have this chronic condition called evolving. Which basically means you are not the same person you were yesterday, and you won’t be the same person tomorrow. Obviously you are the same cells, atoms, whatever other science-based terms there are that define us, but you will be different. As much as we can be creatures of habit, our ability to learn and adapt, I believe, carries much more influence.

In summary, you will never be able to get back the person you are today, and I think there’s something really intriguing about that.